Yes, I still hate my job

My school has no money, some teachers have left and new ones have joined us, some students have left and new ones have joined us, and I’m still hating my job.  

New woman in the office who can’t seem to do ANYTHING tells me today that she wants a bulletin board made but…

1. She doesn’t want to do it 

AND

2.  She doesn’t want to manage the person who does it 

BUT

3. She has very strong preferences about how it should turn out

Thankfully, I had a phone interview last week that went pretty well.  I’m looking for more jobs every day.  If you have any leads, send them my way!

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I’m back for a bit

I haven’t been writing because I’ve been incredibly busy dealing with this crazy-town school.  Some notable events from the past few weeks: students buying pot brownies on campus, a faculty member abruptly quitting and storming out, a student having a breakdown and saying that she can see things coming out of the shadows.  It’s been a ride.

Luckily, I am only going to be in school for 6 more days because I’m heading up to NYC for a conference next week.  Indoor pool, here I come!  After the conference, we have 2 days of faculty meetings, and then winter break is here.  Hallelujah.  

I leave you with a funny little story from yesterday…

A kid came into the office yesterday to ask for more medicine because his head was still hurting.  My dumb office-mate says, “Whatever is causing the headache is an irritation, and you need to lower the irritation level, you know what I mean? So go put on some headphones and listen to music to lower the irritation level. Give it like 15 minutes, and see how you feel.”

Just In Case

My boss told me this morning that he wants me to sit in on the open house scheduled for this afternoon because a lot of people are coming, and he thinks I could be helpful.  I’ve done it before, and what ends up happening is: I sit in his office for two hours listening to him rant about public schools to our visitors.  It sucks.

Today I decided to ask him what he thought my role should be during these open houses.  I told him I felt like I wasn’t contributing much and wanted to know what he expected of me (wasn’t that polite of me!?), and he said, “I like to have you there just in case.  And to jump in if necessary.”

Thanks for the bullshit, bossman.  I think he really just likes having a larger audience of fools to validate him.

The Big Five

The big five walk into the office asking why they’ve been called to meet with the head of the school. They are discussing with each other a project that’s due tomorrow that they haven’t finished yet. Apparently, they only have 24 hours for editing and adding music.

“Do you guys know what’s going on? Are we in trouble?”

“Probably.”

“For what?”

“It doesn’t really matter.”

They sit in chairs in the office and look at last year’s school yearbook.

The sole 10th grader begins to cry crocodile tears. She keeps saying she doesn’t know what she did wrong. I pretend not to know what’s going on. She begins to cry harder and says in the most pathetic voice I’ve ever heard, “I feel like I’m in public school all over again. I’m going to have a panic attack.”

She’s the last person waiting to meet with the head of school, and she whispers to the receptionist, “Will you sit with me?”

She finally gets her chance and, when finished, quickly leaves the office sobbing some more.

The offense: smoking pot on school grounds.  They all either sat there and didn’t say anything or claimed not to know anything about it.

Bossman wanted to catch them in the act but then changed his tune when we told him we’d have to expel 5 kids at once if we actually caught them. Most of their parents are full-tuition payers. Instead, their parents will be informed, and shit will go down at home.

Moral of the story: don’t be an idiot and bring illegal drugs to school.

Mental Illness Time

Quote from my boss: “Our new student is an interesting case in that he’s coming to us directly from a psych ward.”

My boss telling us the story of another student: “He checked himself into a mental hospital last night. He ran away from home and checked himself in, and then he called us and left a message to tell the school where he would be. It’s odd and complicated because he’d rather be at the hospital than at home.”

Love letter to a coworker: gossip edition

Dearest Corey,

Know what I love?  I love when people think they’re talking about me quietly, but I can actually hear them.  That is just my favorite.  I especially love it when you are the one talking about me.

I realize we have an early morning shift, and I know that some teachers have volunteered to take because they like mornings and like getting things done before everyone arrives.  I am unable to get here at the early morning time, and I don’t like mornings in general.  Consequently, I did not volunteer for the morning shift.  Doing so wouldn’t make sense.  It’s not a required part of my job, and I don’t get paid extra for it, so I don’t do it.  This school sucks enough of my life away already.

I know you like taking days off and justifying your absences with honorable excuses like “attending networking events” or “attending to personal reasons I cannot disclose.”  Honestly, it’s getting ridiculous.  You were late twice last week and have already said that you will be late two days this week. Coincidentally, you also volunteered, at the beginning of the year, to cover the morning shift.  Since you’re late so often, you’re regularly asking other people to cover for you in the mornings.  That wouldn’t be too terrible, but you always ambush people at the last minute so they feel guilted into saying yes.  Asking at the last minute – sometimes even as late as 10 PM the night before or 7 AM the morning of your “appointments” — is fucking rude.

I just overheard you, Corey, talking to the receptionist about being late yet another time this week, and you asked her if she’d be available to cover for you.  She can’t come in early that day, so she suggested that you ask me.  You then started grumbling under your breath, and her response was, “Oh, okay then. Maybe you can ask someone else.”

I’m in my own office, true, but I’m also only ~20 feet away from where you were standing.  I am also not deaf.  You’re a fucking jerk, Corey, and it makes me incredibly satisfied that I can inconvenience you by not giving up my mornings for your bullshit.

Love, 

N. Halden

 

Monday Updates

1.  Another student had a mental breakdown and has been hospitalized.  He’s been going downhill for a while. 

2.  I have been given the role of official blogger for the school.  Little do they know I’ve been blogging about the school for months.  I feel like a double agent, and it’s exciting.

3.  There are still plenty of people I wish I could make disappear.  On the top of my list is Gretchen, an administrator who is driving lots of people crazy.  She keeps changing people’s plans without telling them, and she’s afraid to dole out consequences to kids who break rules.  It’s impossible to deal with her because she promises things that other people can’t deliver for her.

4.  The new kid who had the screaming fit in the office the other day (“You’re bullshit!”) has been asked to leave.  Awkward.

Meltdown

One of our new students had a little meltdown in the office today when his mom came to pick him up early from school. Apparently, he wanted to stay because gaming club is happening today, and she wouldn’t let him.

Upon hearing the news, he lovingly shouted, “Shut the hell up! Leave me alone, you bastard! SHUT UP! No, you’re bullshit, I’m not going with you! You ARE bullshit. Let go of me, you bastard! Fuck you.”

Melodramatic

A teacher in our all-day faculty meeting: “It took me until I was on the verge of suicide to try these mindfulness tools…”

This particular teacher has also almost died multiple times doing risky things, gotten into a dangerous physical altercation with a thug in the city, and gotten lost in the rain forest. I have a feeling he exaggerates just a little bit.